I had yoga in Syracuse last night, and then went up there again this morning for a follicle check. Before leaving the house this morning, I changed my clothes several times, looked at my belly in the mirror and finally pulled a maternity top out of the clothes my niece gave me.
Even if I'm never pregnant, I know what I look like. The good news, I have actually lost a pound this month; the bad, I look five months pregnant. Thankfully I could sit at my desk most of the day once I got to work.
The doctor appointment went well -- my biggest follicle is 15mm and the rest are coming up behind it. So I'll go back on Friday, and the nurse said that my retrieval could be as early as Monday or Tuesday next week.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Monday, May 25, 2009
Sluggish
That was the word the nurse used today when she looked at my left ovary. The follicles in the right seem to be growing, but the left ovary looks "sluggish," so they've upped my Gonal-F from 450 to 600. Can't wait to experience the side effects. I go back on Wednesday for another follicle check. At this point, I'm guessing retrieval at the end of next week.
I talked to my sister over the weekend. It was her birthday and she's getting ready for my parents' visit. I told her about how our dad's mouth and bigotry has gotten worse over the past year. And whether he says things to get a rise out of me or it really is just old age, it still pisses me off and embarrasses me. How the "n" word comes out of his mouth, even though I've told both of my parents that it bothers me, especially given my upcoming choices related to adoption.
This is my last month to give him a white grandchild, most likely. And would I love to get pregnant this month? More than anything. And it has absolutely nothing to do with it being a white child, it has to do with wanting to experience being pregnant, to understand that special feeling and privilege that comes with being a pregnant woman.
If I don't get pregnant, I will see what options I have through DSS and simultaneously move forward with private adoption. My options as single woman are the United States (although I'm not sure what exactly that means), Ethiopia, Nepal and Kazakhstan.
Kazakhstan requires two trips; not really feasible in my situation. So maybe the United States (and almost certainly a child of color), Nepal and Ethiopia. Any would be absolutely fine with me. And whether or not, it's fine with my father, I will try not to care.
I talked to my sister over the weekend. It was her birthday and she's getting ready for my parents' visit. I told her about how our dad's mouth and bigotry has gotten worse over the past year. And whether he says things to get a rise out of me or it really is just old age, it still pisses me off and embarrasses me. How the "n" word comes out of his mouth, even though I've told both of my parents that it bothers me, especially given my upcoming choices related to adoption.
This is my last month to give him a white grandchild, most likely. And would I love to get pregnant this month? More than anything. And it has absolutely nothing to do with it being a white child, it has to do with wanting to experience being pregnant, to understand that special feeling and privilege that comes with being a pregnant woman.
If I don't get pregnant, I will see what options I have through DSS and simultaneously move forward with private adoption. My options as single woman are the United States (although I'm not sure what exactly that means), Ethiopia, Nepal and Kazakhstan.
Kazakhstan requires two trips; not really feasible in my situation. So maybe the United States (and almost certainly a child of color), Nepal and Ethiopia. Any would be absolutely fine with me. And whether or not, it's fine with my father, I will try not to care.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Winding Down
My follicles are slow-growing, but everyone at the FG's office is so great. "It's okay, slow and steady wins the race." It made me feel better when even I could tell on the ultrasound that there was little change from Wednesday to Friday. But there are seven, so I'll take that as a good sign.
The baseball game last night was great. And at one point, I realized that I had been so into the game and keeping score and enjoying my friends, that I had actually not thought about the baby project for like four or five innings. Amazing.
Today my sister, niece and nephews came to visit. It was so much fun. We went to Buttermilk Falls, had a picnic of Subway and McDonald's and then played on the playground for an hour. Once they left, I had a marathon of laundry-washing, grocery shopping, and banking -- and home in time for the Yankees-Phillies game.
Laundry put away, fruit and veggies cut up and in the fridge, sheets changed. Tomorrow, clean and steam the rugs, mop the floors and take a nap. :)
The baseball game last night was great. And at one point, I realized that I had been so into the game and keeping score and enjoying my friends, that I had actually not thought about the baby project for like four or five innings. Amazing.
Today my sister, niece and nephews came to visit. It was so much fun. We went to Buttermilk Falls, had a picnic of Subway and McDonald's and then played on the playground for an hour. Once they left, I had a marathon of laundry-washing, grocery shopping, and banking -- and home in time for the Yankees-Phillies game.
Laundry put away, fruit and veggies cut up and in the fridge, sheets changed. Tomorrow, clean and steam the rugs, mop the floors and take a nap. :)
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
A Whirlwind Week
Sunday, I worked all day. It was commencement, and I was responsible for getting the pictures immediately from the photographers and uploading them to the website.
Monday, I met my parents for dinner after work. They are leaving for San Diego next week for vacation and wanted to see me.
Tuesday, I left work early to head up to Syracuse for yoga for fertility class at the FG's office. It was really great. I enjoyed it a lot. And given that this is my last show, I'm trying to do everything I can, giving myself the best chance to get pregnant this month.
After class, I stopped at Gannon's (one of my favorite places in Syracuse) for ice cream and drove home. Got home about 8:15, jumped in the shower, fell asleep to the Yankees game by 9:15.
This morning I was awake at 5am, out of bed at 5:30 and out the door at 6. Back to Syracuse for a follicle check. I decided -- again, because this is the last month -- that I would do my follicle checks in Syracuse. Last month dragged on too long, and maybe things would have been different if FG's office had been monitoring me instead of my local doctor sending reports up. I had at 7:30 appointment and was at my desk by a little after 9. After work tonight, I have an appointment with Lucia at 5:30. It will be an even earlier night to bed tonight.
Tomorrow, I've got acupuncture at 4, and meeting a friend for dinner at 6. Friday morning, another trip to Syracuse, for an 8am appointment. Friday night, B-Mets game in Binghamton. Saturday, my niece and sister are coming down for the day. And Monday, my bonus day off, I have to go back to Syracuse for an 8:30 appointment.
Sometime in there, I have to do laundry and clean the house. And I'm definitely going to need a nap, at least one day.
I'm tired just thinking about it, and just want to put my head down.
Monday, I met my parents for dinner after work. They are leaving for San Diego next week for vacation and wanted to see me.
Tuesday, I left work early to head up to Syracuse for yoga for fertility class at the FG's office. It was really great. I enjoyed it a lot. And given that this is my last show, I'm trying to do everything I can, giving myself the best chance to get pregnant this month.
After class, I stopped at Gannon's (one of my favorite places in Syracuse) for ice cream and drove home. Got home about 8:15, jumped in the shower, fell asleep to the Yankees game by 9:15.
This morning I was awake at 5am, out of bed at 5:30 and out the door at 6. Back to Syracuse for a follicle check. I decided -- again, because this is the last month -- that I would do my follicle checks in Syracuse. Last month dragged on too long, and maybe things would have been different if FG's office had been monitoring me instead of my local doctor sending reports up. I had at 7:30 appointment and was at my desk by a little after 9. After work tonight, I have an appointment with Lucia at 5:30. It will be an even earlier night to bed tonight.
Tomorrow, I've got acupuncture at 4, and meeting a friend for dinner at 6. Friday morning, another trip to Syracuse, for an 8am appointment. Friday night, B-Mets game in Binghamton. Saturday, my niece and sister are coming down for the day. And Monday, my bonus day off, I have to go back to Syracuse for an 8:30 appointment.
Sometime in there, I have to do laundry and clean the house. And I'm definitely going to need a nap, at least one day.
I'm tired just thinking about it, and just want to put my head down.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Shooting Up Already
I went in yesterday for my baseline ultrasound and blood work. I start with the ovary stimulants tonight. Still on 450 of the Gonal-F, but they are doubling the Menopur (from 75 to 150). I gained eight pounds in 11 days last month -- I'm so looking forward to what the drugs will do to my body this month.
I weighed myself the other day, pre-period, and I am officially up 34 pounds from the start of all of this. I know. I know. It doesn't matter. But it does. It's so hard to get dressed each day. It's so hard to feel good about myself in clothes other than sweatpants and jeans.
But this is it. I'm either pregnant this month or I start working out hard-core with Adam again. And that's that.
I weighed myself the other day, pre-period, and I am officially up 34 pounds from the start of all of this. I know. I know. It doesn't matter. But it does. It's so hard to get dressed each day. It's so hard to feel good about myself in clothes other than sweatpants and jeans.
But this is it. I'm either pregnant this month or I start working out hard-core with Adam again. And that's that.
Friday, May 8, 2009
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