Happy Valentine's Day

or Black Thursday, as I like to call it.

I went in for my ultrasound last week, and surprise, I only had one cyst and it was less than 17cm so it's okay to move forward. I started on 100mg of Clomid (double what I've previously taken, but no where near the maximum) on Saturday and took my last dose last night. This is the first time I've been able to try two consecutive months. I'm hoping my body will say, "oh yeah, sperm....that's what I'm supposed to do with it." I go in Monday morning for a follicle check and if all looks good, I'll try to get knocked up on Tuesday.

It was a nostalgic weekend for me last week. Saturday, I went to a baby shower (someone I used to work at Bath & Body with) in Syracuse. It was in the valley, right near where I spent many days and nights in high school. My friend Amy drove up with me, and I dragged her into Green Hills , the locally owned grocery store I worked at in high school. It really was a trip down memory lane, even though is much fancier than it used to be. I showed her the register that I used to always ring on, and the back room where DD and I used to hide when we were supposed to be taking down the salad bar.

And then after Green Hills, I took Amy to the duck pond where I used to go when I was little (and still love!). Let me remind you that it's February. And Syracuse. Needless to say, the corn got dumped in the water pretty quickly. It was really cold. Driving up to Audrey's new house was even fun, because she lived behind my childhood church, and I had to drive on street's where high school friends used to live.

So I was already in that high school wistfulness when I drove back to Syracuse on Sunday. A friend of my parents' has been diagnosed with late-stage pancreatic cancer. He's 36, has two small kids and a third on the way. It sucks more and more every time I think about it. His wife is someone I went to high school with, though we didn't hang out. She was two years ahead of me. But I went to a relatively small high school, so I remember her. My parents became friends with her and husband within the past eight or nine years.

Anyway, Sunday. Family and friends are organizing a benefit. And I've never been one to let an event where I can remotely be in charge of organizing something get by me. So now I'm involved -- I'm actually in charge of the raffle and silent auction. And there was a committee meeting. So I drove up to Syracuse (for the second time in two days) in gusting winds and blowing and drifting snow because more than being at the meeting and talking special event, I knew that there were going to be three guys there that I had gone to high school with (had actually known since the 4th grade!).

When I first saw Matt (the cutest boy in the 4th grade), it was like everyone stopped talking and time stood still. OK, maybe that's a little dramatic. But still -- oh my god, Matt T., all grown up, balding, gray, but still that baby face. And so tall. We went to a school where for some reason, teachers did things by alphabetical order (seating, lining up for lunch, lockers next to each other), so Matt with his T and me with my W, we ended up next to each other a lot. And it was good to see Dave and Mike, too -- but I was closer to Matt than the other two.

Matt told me that I looked "great" and wondered how I haven't aged. That made me feel good, because at the moment, the wedding bands on all three of their hands was blinding, and I was just waiting for one of them to ask if I was married, had kids. And a little part of me felt inadequate. What do I have to show for my life?

I got over the pity party pretty quickly (no complaining, right?) and was just really glad to reconnect with these guys. We didn't get to talk much, but I'll be seeing them for the next few weeks for meetings and then the event on March 8.